“If you tell yourself that your job has to be something you’d do even if you didn’t get paid, you’ll be looking for a long time. Maybe forever.”
Today I read this post by Penelope Trunk and sighed out loud to myself — FINALLY. Finally someone has articulated what I have wondered about for years. One way that this has affected me is that I married someone who did what he loved. And it was miserable for me because what he loved didn’t pay the bills and meant I never saw my husband. I was basically single, which is what I literally became (and I hope Penelope doesn’t become, for several reasons. The cost of that action is very expensive in many different ways personally and to society. I don’t recommend it for most people!)
When I’ve coached people on their online business the biggest stopping point is choosing what to sell or market. Some literally get stuck there for months and don’t really learn anything (and waste a lot of our time and their money). There was some balance between finding something someone is good at or can do well at and not choosing something they would hate or would suck at.
Her point is that we shouldn’t do what we love for a career. We should choose a career for the type of lifestyle we want. Read that again.
There is time after work to do what we love and we’d do it anyway.
“We are each multifaceted, multilayered, complicated people…none us loves just one thing…Often, the thing we should do for our career is something we would only do if we were getting a reward. The reward for doing a job is contributing to something larger than you are, participating in society, and being valued in the form of money.”
Participating in society cannot be undervalued! I find that it’s the aspect of working that I need to find again. People who work by themselves don’t often maintain that feeling of contributing. At least I don’t know how to. We need to contribute and feel like we are. I feel contribution as language and it’s pretty quiet here as I type this.
It’s not that any job will do, it’s just not the end all, because relationships and love are.
“Relationships make your life great, not jobs. But a job can ruin your life - make you feel out of control in terms of your time or your ability to accomplish goals - but no job will make your life complete.”
I dated someone who told me his family members were the most happy of all their life when they had regular jobs. That’s why I don’t get why we are so anxious to quit our jobs. Speaking as an entrepreneur I do believe we can create regular jobs for ourselves with our own hours. However, not all of us are good at generating the social structure that comes with a job.
“If you are lost, and lonely, and wondering how you’ll ever find your way in this world. Take a job. Any job. Because structure, and regular contact with regular people, and a method of contributing to a larger group are all things that help us recalibrate ourselves…do something that caters to your strengths. Do anything. And if you are so overwhelmed that you feel depression coming on, consider that a job might save you. Take one. Doing work and being valued in the community is important. For better or worse, we value people with money. Earn some. Doing work you love is not so important. We value love in relationships. Make some.”
This post just made my week and is a great relief to read. I admit that I’ve been thinking of getting a regular job with regular (no evening) hours. It’s not that I can’t make enough to support myself as a contractor or marketer, I can. I just can’t build virtual relationships in the place of real work relationships, regardless of how much I try, and I have tried, and tried. I’m tired of being isolated and becoming reclusive - I want my normal social side back.
Consider how I got into this whole internet marketing game. I told all my friends I wanted a job where I could walk to work and not be a secretary or server. I didn’t think I could find a job as a conservation biologist or environmentalist so I got one at a startup answering the phones. Very unglamorous for a college educated woman. But it ended up being a springboard into everything else. Eventually I morphed web developing and PR into internet marketing. My friend says I’m like Las Vegas, always reinventing myself.
On the other hand there’s the part of me that rebels against getting a job and being dependent on someone else to pay me. That’s the entrepreneur in me. But could it be that we take jobs for deeper reasons than just a paycheck? (which is important too)
I got an email this week that I really loved. It was from a coworker who I never met. She found me on LinkedIn and wrote me. “I just remember people referring to “Janet” who worked offsite but who was amazing and incredible and everybody loved.” I found myself wondering - is she really talking about me?? This was more than 7 years ago! She remembered me all that time.
I remember standing up and taking punches at that company that I thought it would make me unpopular. But I think my coworkers knew that I stood up for all of us. And obviously they liked me for it. So that was endearing and again reminded me of a job and the fulfillment I got. Even my last job provided a lot of that - my coworkers absolutely rocked. I’m still friends with several of them even though I didn’t work there very long (the hours and unique stresses were killing my relationships).
So if anyone is still reading, I’d like to get your feedback about what you got from this. And, thank you Penelope for a killer post!
