Forget about Doing What you Love - Get a Job
“If you tell yourself that your job has to be something you’d do even if you didn’t get paid, you’ll be looking for a long time. Maybe forever.”
Today I read this post by Penelope Trunk and sighed out loud to myself — FINALLY. Finally someone has articulated what I have wondered about for years. One way that this has affected me is that I married someone who did what he loved. And it was miserable for me because what he loved didn’t pay the bills and meant I never saw my husband. I was basically single, which is what I literally became (and I hope Penelope doesn’t become, for several reasons. The cost of that action is very expensive in many different ways personally and to society. I don’t recommend it for most people!)
When I’ve coached people on their online business the biggest stopping point is choosing what to sell or market. Some literally get stuck there for months and don’t really learn anything (and waste a lot of our time and their money). There was some balance between finding something someone is good at or can do well at and not choosing something they would hate or would suck at.
Her point is that we shouldn’t do what we love for a career. We should choose a career for the type of lifestyle we want. Read that again.
There is time after work to do what we love and we’d do it anyway.
“We are each multifaceted, multilayered, complicated people…none us loves just one thing…Often, the thing we should do for our career is something we would only do if we were getting a reward. The reward for doing a job is contributing to something larger than you are, participating in society, and being valued in the form of money.”
Participating in society cannot be undervalued! I find that it’s the aspect of working that I need to find again. People who work by themselves don’t often maintain that feeling of contributing. At least I don’t know how to. We need to contribute and feel like we are. I feel contribution as language and it’s pretty quiet here as I type this.
It’s not that any job will do, it’s just not the end all, because relationships and love are.
“Relationships make your life great, not jobs. But a job can ruin your life - make you feel out of control in terms of your time or your ability to accomplish goals - but no job will make your life complete.”
I dated someone who told me his family members were the most happy of all their life when they had regular jobs. That’s why I don’t get why we are so anxious to quit our jobs. Speaking as an entrepreneur I do believe we can create regular jobs for ourselves with our own hours. However, not all of us are good at generating the social structure that comes with a job.
“If you are lost, and lonely, and wondering how you’ll ever find your way in this world. Take a job. Any job. Because structure, and regular contact with regular people, and a method of contributing to a larger group are all things that help us recalibrate ourselves…do something that caters to your strengths. Do anything. And if you are so overwhelmed that you feel depression coming on, consider that a job might save you. Take one. Doing work and being valued in the community is important. For better or worse, we value people with money. Earn some. Doing work you love is not so important. We value love in relationships. Make some.”
This post just made my week and is a great relief to read. I admit that I’ve been thinking of getting a regular job with regular (no evening) hours. It’s not that I can’t make enough to support myself as a contractor or marketer, I can. I just can’t build virtual relationships in the place of real work relationships, regardless of how much I try, and I have tried, and tried. I’m tired of being isolated and becoming reclusive - I want my normal social side back.
Consider how I got into this whole internet marketing game. I told all my friends I wanted a job where I could walk to work and not be a secretary or server. I didn’t think I could find a job as a conservation biologist or environmentalist so I got one at a startup answering the phones. Very unglamorous for a college educated woman. But it ended up being a springboard into everything else. Eventually I morphed web developing and PR into internet marketing. My friend says I’m like Las Vegas, always reinventing myself.
On the other hand there’s the part of me that rebels against getting a job and being dependent on someone else to pay me. That’s the entrepreneur in me. But could it be that we take jobs for deeper reasons than just a paycheck? (which is important too)
I got an email this week that I really loved. It was from a coworker who I never met. She found me on LinkedIn and wrote me. “I just remember people referring to “Janet” who worked offsite but who was amazing and incredible and everybody loved.” I found myself wondering - is she really talking about me?? This was more than 7 years ago! She remembered me all that time.
I remember standing up and taking punches at that company that I thought it would make me unpopular. But I think my coworkers knew that I stood up for all of us. And obviously they liked me for it. So that was endearing and again reminded me of a job and the fulfillment I got. Even my last job provided a lot of that - my coworkers absolutely rocked. I’m still friends with several of them even though I didn’t work there very long (the hours and unique stresses were killing my relationships).
So if anyone is still reading, I’d like to get your feedback about what you got from this. And, thank you Penelope for a killer post!
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December 18th, 2007 at 4:56 pm
Janet,
Hello from Prosper. I was showing a client an example of plug-ins and used your site.
I have a new site on acoustic guitars and made my first sale recently. Check it out at www.macnichol.com.
Thanks,
Michael
December 18th, 2007 at 11:35 pm
Unfortunately, I fear that the modern business structure has people too isolated. I keep getting these jobs in towers where I am completely cut off from the world.
There is actually a real need for someone to figure out how to get people interacting on a more positive level. When you look at the structure of business in the traditional American small town, you would find people with much more interesting and dynamic interactions than you do in the modern workforce where we end up being isolated in an industrial park only interacting with coworkers and select clients.
December 19th, 2007 at 9:42 am
Should I be looking for another business partner =)
December 19th, 2007 at 12:05 pm
I read your article, but didn’t read the original article… only so many hours in the day. I can see where you’re coming from, but it all depends on what you need. I worked nights for 5+ years on a graveyard / swing shift, so I talked to like 2 other co-workers for a few hours before their shifts ended and mine kept going. i.e. I pretty much worked alone.
So, from a socially needy side of things, yes… definitely a workplace type environment can fill that need, but… for me, ideally, nothing related to what I do for money defines me as much as what I do for fun and for “life”. The question of “what do you do?” that comes up when you’re meeting someone new shouldn’t be answered with your career or job. Instead, find a seriously fun / social hobby that you can do regularly…. paintball? snowboarding? biking? knitting, quilting… whatever, but if you can turn on the automated side of income generation, you can pursue your passion guilt free and if you do end up getting a job for the social interaction, it can be something where you won’t care how much you make, work part time and just enjoy the interactions.
I sometimes think too many other people think like I do and I’m learning that that is not the case. Very few people think just like me, so I’m finding I’m the exception vs. the rule.
Great post!
December 20th, 2007 at 3:57 pm
I wish I could prove you wrong. I enjoy writing, but i’m barely making a living from it! I’m only using it until I can find a proper 9-5 job! I’ve even tried some of the suggestions by James Brausch to improve my business, you never know!
December 20th, 2007 at 5:22 pm
Hi!
Interesting points, made me think! Just remember: we always want what we don’t have. Even if we had it before! Now You have the financial independence, but You don’t the old social life. You get it back, but have to gave up the fin. independence. Life is full of choices
December 20th, 2007 at 8:09 pm
@Paul, I’ll let you know
@Edgar - I think you’re right. Tradeoffs.
However, I like working with people and my work is not social. It’s virtual. Maybe I’ll find a volunteer or PT gig in the mornings a few times a week.
-Janet
December 21st, 2007 at 9:07 am
Great post. Really gave me some food for thought - I am currently working a job I love, but I come from a huge family of self-employed entrepreneurs, so it’s in my blood to be self employed. I am exploring some options for getting a business started…I am thankful that I have a job that I can be happy at while I work on other things on the side. There is something to be said about the comfort of a well paying job and great coworkers - you don’t have the pressure of wondering how you will pay next month’s rent if you’re business doesn’t make any money!
Thanks for giving me some things to think about!
December 22nd, 2007 at 4:42 pm
Okay maybe I haven’t been away from my regular job for long enough but what I remember about the social side was a lot of backstabbing, politicking, buck passing and sheer laziness from some “team” members. So, no I don’t miss it at all now I have the time to spend with my “real” friends as opposed to work colleagues.
December 23rd, 2007 at 8:16 pm
I gues I’m different than some. I find my life to be much more social as a home based worker. I have gained many online friends as well as local friends who also work from home.
I wasn’t even close to being this social in my regular work since I drove a truck hauling hazardous materials. People usually just wanted me to hurry along. As far as socializing after work, never happened. I was always to tired. I wouldn’t trade my home business for any other type of work.
December 25th, 2007 at 6:47 am
I read the Penelope Trunk post and found it interesting, especially when added to some really fascinating responses. I think the post did contradict others posted on the site, so perhaps that´s something to bear in mind. No matter though, so long as it got people thinking and it helps them.
My own feeling is that there are a couple of things to remember. Firstly, do what you love and the money will follow places too much emphasis on the financial rewards. I`ve struggled financially like many people, so I know as well as anybody how important that is, but the evidence from positive psychology continually tells us we don´t get any happier for having more than a reasonable amount of income. Whatever that is! Doing what you love - happiness is not about the money. It´s about a balanced approach to life, based on pleasure, relationships and meaning.
Secondly, there’s room for doing what you love in life, but who says it´s just the one thing? Your point about our complexity as indviduals is much better made than in Penelope Trunk’s post, which I thought oversimplified this very issue.
Not many people would realistically be able to earn a living doing solely what they love, and I certainly wouldn`t advise making oneself ill in the pursuit of such an occupation. However we can try to do more of what we love at work, or re-frame our attitudes to work to learn to get more out of work, if necessary. Or working to enable us to do what we love outside of work is a worthwhile pursuit. That´s the gist of our article on doing what you love.
Regards
Phil
www.the-happy-manager.com
December 26th, 2007 at 8:12 pm
The problem is that each year we diverge more and more and become more “niche” oriented in our work. Which means, that each year we do less and less variety. Humans were built to thrive in variety. Therefore we get less happy each year with this type of work
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December 27th, 2007 at 2:25 pm
JANET -
YOU’RE POST IS QUITE TIMELY AS I’VE BEEN WRESTLING WITH THE EXACT SAME ISSUES. AS AN ENTREPRENEUR AND VIRTUAL BUSINESS OWNER, I HAVE BECOME ISOLATED AND DISCONNECTED FROM CO-WORKERS. THE GRASS IS ALWAYS GREENER, FOR SURE AS I PREVIOUSLY WAS INVOLVED IN A COUPLE OF START-UPS AND HAVE ALWAYS THRIVED IN GROUP SETTINGS. WHEN FRIENDS, FAMILY & FORMER CO-WORKERS ASK HOW THE START-UP IS GOING, MY #1 COMPLAINT IS ISOLATION AND LACK OF HUMAN INTERACTION. WHILE OWNING YOUR OWN BUSINESS, BEING YOUR OWN BOSS, AND CREATING SOMETHING FROM SCRATCH IS EXCITING, I AM BEGINNING TO REALIZE IT CAN ALSO BE VERY SELF SERVING, WHICH CAN BACKFIRE WHEN CONFINED IN A VIRTUAL WORLD. While I maintain constant interaction with customers & partners on the phone, IM & via emai the face-to-face, in-person teamwork that builds start-ups & thriving cultures is missing and is something $$$ can’t replace. My saving grace has been two-fold: More time with my wife and two young children plus a great network of friends & family that I frequently interact with to getaway from the “office” (my third story gameroom). My suggestion to you would be to make a point to gather with friends on a frequent basis. Even after all of these counter measures, I still miss the the office culture….which I so quickly ditched to go into business for myself. Hindsight is 20/20. I too have been looking at the job market to get back into executive management, injecting myself into “society”.
December 29th, 2007 at 8:38 pm
From a Tobias Wong interview, via Kottke.org:
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In another interview you said: “I’d be lying if I said, ‘Just do what your heart tells you, stay true to yourself, and things will eventually come’—that’s bullshit. It’s all about strategies and risks.”
I frequently interview independent creators, and when asked advice on achieving success, a lot of them say “Just be true to yourself.” Sometimes I even say, “Please don’t give me any bullshit about ‘being true to yourself,’ that’s not helpful advice, we’ve all heard that one before,” and they say it anyway. Do you think this is just an image thing, that people want you to believe their work is so good that of course it got recognized? Like they don’t want to admit that they self-promote, or compromise, or strategize?
That’s really funny. I think it’s true, it being about image, kinda like they’re saying, “What took you so long?” And so much easier said when you do stumble across (some) success. But what about the other 99.9 percent? Why encourage a road with a dead end? I don’t want to sound rude, but I’m also not a hopeless romantic.
There’s a difference between following your heart and a true internal drive to create.